FYI

Just wanting to let everyone know we are back online :)

Clouded Veil Society website is almost done

I have been working on this for the last couple of days and I am really excited about it. It is coming along ALOT better than I had hoped it would. With Bill and Tina moving closer we can actually start doing some investigations again. That's going to be awesome!!! Nothing like creeping thru a cemetery or abandoned old house with good friends lol Here is the website: Clouded Veil Society

Waiting...

It's a go yay!!! We were able to get the bus ticket and now we just have to wait until the date to take him to Joplin to go. The 27th. Ugh!!! That seems so far away!!! But at least I know that it is a done deal. I hate to feel this way, but I want my house back. I want to be able to get in there and clean and know it's going to stay like that because I won't feel the need to hide in my room all the damned time. Which I do now. Basically because the house is trashed and it just irritates me to no end to have to go in there. I guess the reason is becasue there is a supposed "adult" in there and they can't stay on top of 3 teenage girls to keep it at least picked up. I'm not talking spotless, but at least to where I am not totally ashamed to have anyone come over. I am just thankful my people don't look at that when they do come. None the less it is mortifying. Why don't I do something about it? Why? I mean, if no one else wants to help me keep it clean then why bother right now? And I am not speaking so much of my children. I want to be able to clean with the least amount to stress. And honestly that isn't going to happen, if there are other adults just sitting on their asses while the kids do all the work. No, I would rather wait until he leaves and Derek is at work. Then me and the kids can just get in the zone and clean. The girls are excited to finally have the prospect of getting their room finally cleaned out so that they can have at least a little space to their own. And I am too. I really am a hermit for the most part, but even I don't want to be in my room for 24/7. I would like to be able to go into the livingroom and kick back with the kids and watch TV. Or play on the laptop. Or just whatever. But someone always seems to have something else going on out there. And right now, I can't go in there to relax. There's just too much crap everywhere. It's ridiculous. Yes, the kids should know better, but if the adults aren't setting the right example, then you can't actually expect them to clean up after themselves. And actually what is going on...the kids aren't cleaning. People have gotten into the habit of having them as their little servants and basically the kids are done. I can't blame them. I didn't have them and raise them to be anyone's damned maids!!! Yeah...that's not flying so well. And Nik is old enough now that she has very little issue telling anyone so.

And I want to move too. But I know that isn't going to be likely until at least tax time. So, it's not a pressing issue. I think once we get things settled and situated here, we will be okay for the time til. Or even if we will. This is a really cute trailer and could be such again...sigh...did I forget to mention that patience IS NOT one of my strong points? lol That's a big issue. I want it all and I want it NOW!!! I know, I know...Hoping things will level out soon. There's no reason why it shouldn't actually. Just have to work at it.

Damn, Damn, Double Damn...

Not exactly sure how we are going to swing the damned bus ticket this week. My child support hasn't come in this week and so we only have Derek's check. Hoping if I book far enough in advance then we will be able to swing in. Ugh!!! Being a grown up sux butt some times. Always having to worry about $$$. That really is our biggy. Seems no matter how hard we try we just keep getting kicked back.





I have decided that the eye thing is a part sinus cold in my eye. Of course that also means I feel as though my nose is going to drip off my face at any minute. I have been sniffling for 2 days straight now, with no relief in sight it seems. I have been taking Alka-Seltzer Cold and it seems to be keeping it somewhat at bay. Couple that with lovely allergies and yeah...not a pretty site. Actually pretty damned pathetic lol

But all and all...

Hoping things work out for the best. Or for my sanity at least. If we can't do it this week, then I guess there's always next week. Just not looking forward to the pouting that I am sure will insue.



Waiting...

I am going crazy!!! First off there's this damn eye thing going on. I know it's allergies, but that isn't helping. I am doing everything possible that I can think of to make it better. And it is going that way, but it is taking soooo long and we all know that patience IS NOT one of my strong points lol I have pretty much kept myself in the bedroom. I don't know what it is about the living room, other than it being closer to the dirt road, but inevitably my eye gets worse the longer I stay in there. And it just isn't worth it to me. 

This also happens to be the issue with waiting for Kyle to leave. I guess we are suppose to be getting his bus ticket to Florida this week and I am so ready. I will finally have my house back. He's not really all that bad, but I just don't like to have to answer to someone ALL the time. Someone always wanting to know what I am doing, why I am doing it, knowing it can be done in a better way. UGH!!! That drives me nuts. I haven't even really started working on putting the house together. I don't want the input. 

He's driving the kids nuts too. Didn't realize how much they get bitched at. I know they aren't perfect. I wouldn't want them to be, but OMG!!! really?!?! They aren't the next serial killers. Just let them be. If I don't have a problem with the way they are then I don't think anyone else should either. Well...I mean, they can have an issue, but they don't need to be soooo f***ing vocal about it all the time. Yeah, it's getting old :(

My survival kit lol

What a pain, but it keeps my fingers out if my eye :(

Ugh!!!

I hate allergies with a passion. I usually don't get them as bad as I have this year. Usually just sniffles and sneezes, but there's something that has wormed it's way into the house. Especially the front rooms. My left eye is having fits and burns constantly when I am in there. Not so bad in my room. The only thing I can think of it all the dirt being kicked up from the road. Hasn't bothered me before, but who knows? I sure don't :( If it would rain for about a week straight then I could tell, but I don't see that happening anytime in the near future.

I am feeling somewhat better. I think I am finally over the worst part of the flu. That succcckkkked!!! Especially since Mother Nature decided to pay a visit during my illness. Double ugh!!! But all's well for the time being. Let's just hope it stays that way lol

Round and round I go...

Genetics suck!!! I have vertigo. Handed down to me from my dad's side of the family. It's a serious inner ear imbalance that literally can put you on your ass when it decides to hit. Like today, got up to go to the bathroom and found myself bouncing off walls like I was drunk. Which I wasn't. Balance suddenly MIA. I hate this feeling so~~~ much!!! Everything is on a constant spin. Neck feels rubbery. Just ugh!!!

Lol under construction

Please ignore the funky placement of everything on my blog :) I will have it fixed soon...laterz

When leprechauns attack!!! Hahahahahaaa

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2163115/Move-zombies-Man-left-bloodied-screaming-pain-attack-bunch-leprechauns.html?ito=feeds-newsxml

I...

Where to start, ugh!!! Just everything is so fucked up. Nothing in particular just everything. From being annoyed to being treated like me and the kids are the ones living with Derek AND Kyle. This isn't my house. I can't do anything without having someone question or "try" to change the way I do things. I have OCD. Things have to be done a certain way, preferably my way, or it's going to drive me crazy. Everyone knows this,  but for some reason, they have all decided to have a group brain fart and conveniently forget the fact. And Derek is starting to pick up some not so favoring traits from his nephew. It drives me nuts. I like Kyle don't get me wrong. But some of the stuff he does and thinks is funny. Well, it just isn't. And it doesn't help that Derek falls right in there. Thinking that annoying me is as funny as annoying the kids. They have to be daft I swear. Do they NOT know me?!? Wtf?!?!

This sux :(

First night in along time I was actually able to go to bed and actually go to sleep at a decent time (yes, 3am is decent for me) and alls that it takes is having Derek freak out about getting the door opened unexpectedly opened on him to jolt me wide awake grrr!!! So, I am going to kick back with some crime TV. MONK and CRIMINAL MINDS are my addiction. And hopefully I will be able to go back to sleep for awhile later. **fingers crossed**

Kristina is coming over about 7pm and taking us shopping for some much needed food. Ugh...it's been rough let me tell you :( I hate being broke with a passion, but it's a hole we have seemed to find ourselves in ALOT here lately :'(

So, it's on to other things. I was going to clean up the yard, but I guess Mother Nature has other plans lol I think it is suppose to rain most of the day so that's a no. There's other stuff I need to do. Like organize my room. Of course, that means I have to wait until Derek gets up. Bah!!! People always messing with my schedules!!!

Anyways enough for now. I might be on later. Depends if my phone gets shut off or not...sigh...such is life :)

My little crafter :)

Good to see some creativity

Happy Father's Day :)

This was definitely a labor of love and so worth it. Derek was actually speechless and a little teary eyed. All and all a win!!!

The tree itself is made of wire. Double wrapped with 3 different colours of yarn. It took me about 8 hours of solid wrapping to get it done. My wrist hates me, but it was worth it :) then the kids added little hanging danglies. So pretty. And works so well right on the front door.

Happy Father's Day to all the awesome dads out there!!!

Always remember...

Live it...

 Watch "Sixx:AM - Lies of the Beautiful People" on YouTube 

Thought for the day...

Think positive! Negative focus and thinking takes all your energy away. Try to focus on the positive things in your life – we all have something to be grateful for. Sit down and think about how you want your life to be – make some goals. It may be a trip, going to the hairdresser, taking massage or anything that you really like but you feel you can’t do because you have too much work to do.

Learn to say no. Put yourself first – if you are too tired to take care of yourself how can you manage to take care of others?

Straight up...

For my Tina :)

<3 <3 <3

...Soooo true...

My body...

When I get stressed my body produces a serious excess of acid. I mean serious. And it works its way out if my body through "fever blisters" in the mucus membranes. Such as my nose and mouth. My urine also is loaded so of course I basically end up with acid burns and galds in my nether regions. Not fun let me tell you, but it's always been like this. Thing is I haven't had to deal with such a severe case as I have had to.

My point to this lol since we have been out of the situation of my mom's, my body is on the mend. Very happy about that. Also in a weird way, I guess, it is a physical  affirmation that my nerves are returning to normal. To be able to physically know, ya know? 

Centreing myself

Going to start bringing some peace and tranquility into my life. Much needed. Much desired. Not foolish enough to think it is going to happen over night, but I am willing to work in it.

...Meditation...

I actually used to do this on a regular basis. Never quite got it down to the whole visualization, but the 15-30 minute "ahh"...time itsself was beneficial.  I need to find that peacefulness again. I think I just may be able to do it. I have the perfect place outside to do it. It just seems mystical. Nothing really special about the spot other than I seem to be having a certain draw to it. Whenever I walk by the window my eyes automatically go to it. Makes me happy to just space off looking at it for a few.

...Fruit, Veggies, and Herbs...

Going to be setting up some gardens. Not wanting anything major, but I have kinda went nuts seed shopping lol It just makes sense to me. The family loves fresh fruits and veggies, but they are so expensive to buy often. Same with the herbs. Derek loves to use them in everything,  but it's hard to find a good mixed seasoning that doesn't seem to be loaded down with salt. Me personally, I am not a big salt fan. And if you want to get the good dried herbs, you are looking at a good $3-$5 a piece for them.

Drives me nuts how people take what nature has willingly and freely given to us and put a price tag on it. When in all actuality all's you are buying is their damned names!!! Grr!!! No more. It's ridiculous to say the least.

I plan on having enough to be able to share with my sisters (Stina and my Tina) and their families. There's absolutely no point in them having to buy the stuff, we will have plenty. Times are tough and every little bit can help, I know. I want to be able to share with them. Helping them be able to save some money,  that none of us really seem to have much of these days.

Wildflowers

Picked fresh on the land :)

Very cool idea

I actually think I am going to try this with the next couple 2 liters we get :)

Peace at last!!!

Almost completely moved. Derek and Kyle decided to take a break today away from the evil witch. There's not much left over there. A couple desks, our bed (we have the air mattress right now) and one or two boxes. Not sure what is in the boxes, but the other stuff can be eventually replaced if she decides to be a bitch and not let them finish getting it.

Such a relief to be away from there. Last night...just being able to kick back and relax without all the stress was amazing!!! The kids fell asleep almost as soon as their heads touched down. I dunno if because they had busted ass helping move or if the lack of stress was that overwhelming. Probably a little of both. I know it was for me.

I didn't help with the moving. I left yesterday as soon as we knew we had the house and haven't been back. I figured it would go alot smoother without me there. And it did. She didn't say a word to them as they loaded up :) I am not usually an avoider, but you gotta know when enough is enough. And I had my fill. I have made my peace and just wanted out. So glad the new landlords were understanding and let us go ahead and move in.

I like the older woman here. She is so sweet. There's no rush on getting the electric and water turned over. And she is going to let Derek and Kyle do some work here in lue of the deposit. That is beyond awesome!!!

I will post pics as soon as I get my computer up and running. Promise :)

Holding my breath

Well things seriously went from bad to worse quick, fast, and in a hurry. And according to her, it's all our fault. When in all actuality it's not. Not going to say some of the tension isn't caused by us, but for the majority...no.

So, I am holding my proverbial breath now. We got us a place, but aren't suppose to move in til next week. Hoping beyond hope that they will go ahead and let us move in like tomorrow. Need to get out pf here before it gets much worse. And it's heading in that direction very quickly.

So okay she wants to sell the house so she can go travel? Whatever. She can do whatever she feels like doing. I have come to absolute peace with my decision to wash my hands of it. It's not daddy's house anymore. That's what I had to come to terms with. She has come in and destroyed everything it was. There's no love here anymore. Just a shell with a bitter old woman haunting the halls. And it's nothing more than a burden to her anyways since she is more than willing to "sell it to get out from under it".

I am totally excited about the idea of absolute quiet :) nothing but nature to listen to when we go outside. No radio blaring at the butt crack of dawn. No bitching about touching her shit. Just peace with the occasional hiccup. No stress, no walking on egg shells 24/7. Yeah...it's going to be nice.

...Mom...

Things here have progressively gotten worse. There's just no pleasing her. None. No amount of anything we do to help so much as is acknowledged, other than for her to start accusing us of being thieves when she misplaces stuff. Or gets too drunk she doesn't remember using it all. Of course there's no way she would admit she was drinking let alone drunk. She's an alcoholic plain and simple. Just like her mother. And like her mother, chances are she will too die a very lonely old woman.

I don't understand a persons desire and need to be miserable all the time. None. It's pointless to be so unhappy 24/7. Well, especially around me, I probably should clarify. I don't due pity parties. And truly that's basically all it is.

It's a very odd feeling when your own mother is more immature than your 9 year old. Throws little hissy fits, stomping around and slamming doors to gain the centre of attention. And when that doesn't work, the silent cold shoulder treatment. That's where we are now. Whatever.

Sad to say, but I am beyond caring.  I hate drama and this is exactly what it is. And since it has been made personal, that doesn't makes me involved, which does not make for a happy me.

Being here has began to cause alot of health issues too. Migraines are getting more and more frequent. My muscles and bones actually hurt from the strength it takes to keep calm. I have blisters coming up from all the excess acid my body is producing. The kids are getting more and more head aches. Loss of appetites. Not being able to get decent sleep. Poor things :'( as their mom it is truly heartbreaking to see this happening. Especially by their grandmother.

I have had to do some serious soul searching and question asking lately. The conclusions I have come to?...

1) Though it breaks my heart, saving this house is not worth risking my kids happiness for. This is no longer my dad's or grandparents home. She has forever ruined that. There is so much negativity here that it smothers any of the good.  I used to love this house. Wanting desperately to save it and keep it in the family. Now? I want more than anything to leave. There's nothing left for us here.

2)Mom will have to find someone else to "help" her. We can't.  We can't be the ones to see her into her golden years. Financially there isn't an issue. We could take over every bill she has and come out ahead. It's the emotional,mental, and physical drain I can't do. I am to old with kids of my own to worry about.  Her financial and physical states really are not my concern. I have mine to worry about, plain and simple. And they will always come first regardless.

3) I just plain ass don't like her. And truth be it told,  I am not so sure I can honestly say I love her. If anything the emotion that comes through to the fore front when I think of her is a very deep seeded resentment. She is a hateful, spiteful, self serving, self centred, bitter, hypocrit. Truly a pitiful excuse. She is everything I despise in a person and the more I think about it the more I realize, she has always been this way. She hasn't changed one iota in all my 40 years. So there's no chance she is likely to change now.

What irritates me the most at the moment is...

The simple fact that I have constantly been bitching on here. I understand that this is my own little corner and I can write whatever I want but the fact that I have so much negativity in my life seems to over power my ability to write otherwise :(  Really I am not such a depressing individual as it seems. Or I try not to be, but sometimes life and certain people suck it right out of you.

I promise I will try to do better. Not sound like such a whiny bitch that has nothing in her life worth writing about. Because believe it or not,  I do lol

My life itself is amazing. I have the most awesome kids and Derek is everything and more than I could ask for. Really they do exist lol :P

Decisions...

Trying to decide whether or not to move. Reason being is it is getting bad here again. Mom is never happy. I mean NEVER...constantly bitching about something or someone. Keeping the peace around here is becoming a chore and it is soooo tiring. Is it worth it? I am seriously starting to debate this.

And we are at a complete standstill as far as turning the garage into our space. She wants to go thru everything. Of course because she has no clue what is out there. All's I want to do is relocate and restack the boxes all to one end so we can start the remodeling. One room at a time if we have to and that was a HUGE no!!! She keeps using the excuse she can't pick up and move stuff. Okay, we have more than enough people here to so that. But whatever ...So we have to wait for her to find the time to do this. And right now it is just one excuse after the other. It's ridiculous to say the least.

Well, this is interesting...

Out of the kindness of my heart (and a desperate need for more space for me, Derek, and the kids), I offered to go out back to my daddy 's old work shop and start cleaning it out for my mom. There's paint,chemicals and stuff out there that needs to be disposed of. Get it all fixed up so it could be used for either an office for me OR to start getting the garage cleaned out. Needless to say...that pissed her off enough that she was a royal bitch to everyone and barely spoke to me for 2 days!!! What really gets me is she has been wanting this done and that was the original plan when we came over here.

She is not understanding that the VERY small room Derek and I share is NOT by any means big enough. We have 5 peoples stuff in there because there's nowhere else we are allowed to put it. Poor Mocha has no room to run because she doesn't want him loose. And a home business that's working out ALOT better than I thought it would, that requires inventory. All crammed in there. Right now I feel like a serious hoarder because we have to literally climb over the bed from the door to get anywhere. This is driving me nuts!!!

So, my solution...we are taking down our bed tomorrow and putting it in the garage. Derek went to Walmart and got us one of those double air mattresses. I figure this way I can take it down during the day so I can actually get around. Going to do some serious rearranging and organizing so I can also have my desk area and shelves for work. Whatever. Basically we are going to be sleeping in my office, but it's the only solution I can think of right now to where everyone is at least kept somewhat happy.

Not having my room the way I want is a HUGE issue for me. I am suppose to be able to relax in there. Total sanctuary. Kinda hard to do that when you have a pile of CLEAN clothes headed up the wall on one side and a desk being used as a catch all on the other...UGH!!!

Okay...I am pissed!!!

What kind of f'ing parent bashes a child in public and then tells there own child that if she doesn't play narc and/or brat the sh*t out of another child that they will be in trouble. I know Tazia is by no means an innocent little angel, but I was reading the texts as they were being sent to her via my phone and there was ABSOLUTELY no reason for all of this!!! It boils down to they are basically using her asa scapegoat for their family's own dysfunction. WTF?!?!

I don't understand why parents feel they need to be involved in a teenage relationship. There's no physical or mental abuse. The kids absolutely adored each other and were extremely happy. Now they are both miserable and heart broken. I just don't get it at all :'(

Insomnia sux :(

I can't sleep :'( I really do try most of the time. Other times I just give in and get back up. Wish I could blame it on me screwing my days and nights up, but no...I don't sleep all day, even though my body is saying I could. My mind won't shut up!!! Right now every time I close my eyes, I am thinking of what I would do if I could totally gut all the excess sh*t in this house. Enter my OCD :( UGH!!! I am once again beyond tired with no relief in sight...*yawn*...story of my life.

Hoarding

Okay...my mom's theory on hoarding is...that you can still see her floor, therefore she isn't a hoarder. Uh huh? I personally don't care how neat and clean the place is. If you have boxes of crap you have bought stuffed into every empty space and you cannot walk in the garage because it is packed with more boxes of sh*t, also let's not forget the storage building she's had for the last ten years. To which she has absolutely no clue what's in there at this point...that is a HOARDER. Plain and simple. She has so many boxes of stuff she has bought and put in the garage, she doesn't know what's where. Duplicates of stuff because she didn't remember buying them before because she can't find them...sigh :( Her bedroom literally is basically a path to her doors because it's crammed packed.

She is a major reason why I started throwing so much sh*t away. I was headed in that direction and it scared me. I didn't want to be 60+ years old and buried alive under a bunch of worthless stuff. Afraid to have my friends and family over. Now mom has her stuff all nice and pretty, but there's just soooo much of it!!! EVERYWHERE!!! Which is playing Hell on my OCD. I want to go through and pretty much empty this house. But OMG!!! You can't throw nothing away without written consent around here. Grr!!!

My time to whine...

Unfortunately reality is a mean SOB. Instead of letting me go on blissfully denying the ever obvious fact that I will be 40 this year. And that I was none to careful with the way I abused my body over the years. (Who knew I would actually live this long?!? I had myself dead and buried by 30!!!) It decides to start dropping the not so subtle (and often painful) hints about my lack of better judgment when I was younger.

1: Might as well start with the reason I am even up at this horrid hour. My knees and elbows are killing me :( Especially since we have had a storm front park its a** on top of us. Arthritis it seems has made me its new BFF. Years of waiting tables has come back to bite me in the a**.

2: Which leads to the second reason I don't sleep most nights. Years of working in the chicken plants has blessed me with carpal tunnel and gangolian cysts in both hands. Most of the time when I try to go to sleep, they beat me to it and start throbbing. Which then leads to the pressure pain. Forget about writing for any amount of time or cooking. Surgery is NOT an option. Just for the simple fact there's a good chance I could lose the use of my hands all together.

3: My kidneys. Well, I believe that the issues I have with them maybe caused by a medication I had to take when I was little. They are getting worse. Infections are more often and the lower back pains are almost constant. There's not much to be done at this point but take the antibiotics and wait. Dialysis is almost a certain factor in my future.

4: My pancreas. This issue is rather new. Seems I have pancritis. Or however it is spelt. It's more annoying than anything.  What I eat depends on how long I get to be bathroom bound and how long I will have an acid reflex assault.  Red meat and spicy food are the worst.

I always wondered why it seemed older people always got up before the sun. I couldn't figure out what was so damned important that they needed to be up so early. I think I have that little mystery figured out. It's not that they are up per say. Chances are they were awaken by some nagging pain. Or they haven't even been to sleep yet.

5: Insomnia. I have always had it. But it seems that the older I get, the harder it is becoming for me to fall asleep at all :( Days without any sleep, decent or otherwise makes for a very grumpy me.

I feel like a lion with a thorn in its paw. *RAWR*

Tazia's nails

White lace and bows with pink, grey, and purple hearts. Soooo cute!!!

Fishing...

Well...the thought was a good one. I actually hate to fish or be involved anymore than the eating of them, but I was really looking forward to some quality time with Derek. But unfortunately the wind is just a tad bit too nippy for me to want to sit out in :( Temperature seems to be dropping pretty quick too. Nice night to sleep, not so much to fish for me lol

Nail Art-flowers

Gorgeous design :)

Extremely proud of my nails

Just wanted to share a moment lop

Laundry, laundry, and more laundry

Never ending, I swear!!! Course it doesn't help that I hadn't realized that there was a water leak or something going on in our laundry room at the other house...grr!!! So, now I basically have to rewash every single item of clothing we have. BUT this is not necessarily a bad thing. I have been going through clothes and separating them into 3 categories. Keep, trash, and Ebay. So, it  definitely makes that easier somewhat.

I am actually encouraged by my Ebay venture. I have sold 3 things so far and even after Ebay takes their cents, I have managed to make $70!!! I am so excited about that. And I have sooooo much more stuff to list. Not looking to get rich by no means, just a little extra $$$ every so often. I am going to have to open a saving/checking account though lol to keep that $$$ seperate from our other. Otherwize it gets spent as quickly as it comes. Yup...lol I love Ebay!!!

Ugh!!!

I can tell you right now, I am going to hate using our cellphones for the internet until we get actual DSL. The signal sux!!! And what really sux is there is actually a Verizon tower here in Southwest City. Grr!!! But with everything else coming due, the actual DSL may have to wait :( so I will just have to grin and bare it for now.

Spending $$$ we don't have on sh*t we don't need...

I never realized until here recently that I am an emotional shopper. Especially if I am depressed. And then I get even more depressed if we don't have $$$ to spend :( Nothing major. I would be quite content with $5 right now. And it is driving me nuts we don't have it!!! Nobody is  to blame. We had bills to pay and the move. Just sucks :( I guess maybe I am a spoiled brat after all.

We are moved :)

Thank the Gods!!! I am actually excited about being back at my family home. Not so much having to live with my mom again, but hey!!! At least the stress of having to worry about losing the house is gone. And mom is getting pretty bad. I give her til maybe fall and then she won't physically be able to work anymore. And that's stretching it, I think. The cartilage in her wrists is completely gone. Total bone on bone there and it's hurting her pretty bad. She can't hardly use them now without it killing her. Then sometime soon she has to go in for cataract surgery. She.is almost completely blind in her left eye and that's the good one!!!

I have also come to realize how tiring it is going to be to have to stay on top of the kids. They have a really bad habit of just leaving stuff out and not picking up after themselves. Yes, I know I am to blame because I have pretty much done it for them their entire lives. But I think they are old enough to start doing it for themselves. And with that said...we will see. Sometimes it is just sooooo much easier to do it myself than to wait on or have to argue with someone else to get it done.

Our room is tiny lol but we have plans to turn the garage into one, if not two, more rooms. It will take probably about $3000 to do it right. If we can just hang tough til next tax time *sigh* it shouldn't be an issue. Fingers crossed that Rick actually keeps his job long enough to file taxes *rolls eyes*

I am loving not having the Crowley inside. I love the brute, but I really just don't have the patience to house break a puppy. Especially one that  poops like a damned horse!!! Gross!!! Not too mention mom already has 3 smaller inside dogs. Yeah. Doggy overload!!!

But really that's about it for now. Think I am getting ready to call it a night. Curl up in my nice comfy bed and enjoy the fact that I don't have to go to sleep with the non too pleasant aroma of mildew to keep me awake.

Have a wonderful night. XoxoxoxoX

R.I.P Gremmy :'(

Gremmy was hit by a car tonight and was killed :'( I am so heartbroken over this loss. He was a part of our family and will be missed sooooooo much. My heart hurts sooooooo bad right now.

Posted via Blogaway

Life at this moment blows chunks...

Well, guess what? We are moving yet again :'( I love the house we are in and have wanted it forever, but the landlord is pulling some douchy moves. Like trying to get us to pay for water and electric overages that are not our fault. Grr!!! There's no way that's even conceivable that it could be. So, we will be out Friday hopefully. Going to rent a U-Haul and put most everything in storage and call it good. Sucky part? We are having to move back in with my mom. Ugh!!! Not looking forward to it at all, but as of right now we really don't have a choice. On the plus side, we won't lose my dad's house. Mom is getting pretty bad and probably won't be able to work much longer. So, that's one security issue I won't have. Now, if we can just survive without killing each other!!!

Our cell phones will be shut off April 4. Which really really really sux!!! I am not sure as to why either. I don't think they explained to Derek clearly either. But since they are disconnecting us early, they are charging us penalties for it. WTF?!?

National came and got our new desktop and our beautiful TV. But I am pretty sure we are going to be getting them back within the next few weeks. Hopefully. Cell phones and internet have to come first, because I have stuff going on Ebay that I cannot get out of right now.

Just when things start looking up again...ugh!!! So, sick of it!!! I know we aren't the only ones having troubles. But it hits pretty hard when it is you. I rey to keep an open mind and a positive outlook on things, but truthfully it's really hard to do at times. I feel as though I have reached my maximum for discouraging situations. I just keeping thinking it has to get better soon right? Man, I hope so :'(

Anyways, that's what is going on. Hopefully if I do lose internet connection, it won't be for long. I will not only be screwed but I will actually go crazy I believe lol. It is pretty much my lifeline to those close to me.

Posted via Blogaway

So not ready for summer :(

It's only March and our temperatures are already reaching the upper 80's and 90's!!! This has me worried. Especially after the lack of winter that we had. I hate the heat anyways, so knowing that this could very well be a worse summer than last, makes me sad. It was almost too hot to do anything. Went to the creek a couple times last year, but it was too hot to spend any real time out. We couldn't go camping :( not with the temperatures at night sitting in the mid 90's all night. That would have made for a seriously miserable time. And it isn't looking so good for this year already. Ugh!!! The only plus is that we actually live closer to the water this summer, but I am thinking it's going to be too hot to let the kids walk the less than a mile to salvation. Cabin fever here we come :(

I am also hoping that this AC unit we do have is going to be enough to keep us cool. It got to 90° today and stayed fairly decent upstairs. Downstairs for the most part stays cooler than up. But will it be enough when the scorching heat is constant? Most of the windows upstairs do NOT open. Or come out to put in another window unit in. Except maybe in the diningroom. So, I dunno, how well this is going to go. I already know that I am going to have to invest in ALOT of aluminum foil and duct tape to get these windows at least somewhat weatherized. BAH!!!

Posted via Blogaway

Newspaper Nail Art

Personally I like them lol

They actually give the nail polish a grey tint. Not the yellow my flash does.

Posted via Blogaway

Catching up lol

Hey, I know, I know I am getting really bad about keeping this updated. Though rest assured nothing overly news worthy has been happening lately lol

I have decided to go ahead and close my Facebook accounts. There's just too much whining and drama on there for me. Most people don't want to know EVERY SINGLE DAY how depressed and crappy your life is. And half the time it's all just for show and sympathy anyways. I can't do it anymore. I have gotten to the point that even going there annoys the hell out of me. So, as of tomorrow, I will no longer be a part of the alustrious Facebook community. Good riddance!!!

I have started my own YouTube channel. tat2dmama5 ... Partially for fun and partially because it is getting harder and harder for me to actually type my blog :( my wrists are getting worse and that's no bueno for me. I love to write :'(. I have got a program called Speech to Text on my phone. I haven't tried it out yet, but I will. Then I dunno what to do about my actual writing. May have to let the pain determine how long I write at a time :(

Since going out and getting a "real" job is pretty much a no go at the moment, I have decided to go ahead and give selling on Ebay a shot. Pretty excited about it actually. Now if I can just keep my little fat fingers of the BID button ugh!!! lol

XOXOXOXO
Stacy D. Mckinney

Nnn

Nnnnn

Location : High St, Noel, MO 64854,

Under Quarantine and other things

Well, not feeling so good today :( I was really hoping that the whole flu epidemic we have going on around here would have passed me up, buuuuttt I think it has found me out. The chills, the fever, the stomach and body aches suck so bad :'( And I do believe that Gremmy is got the doggy flu :( He gets up and plays but not for long. Poor guy. But I think he will be okay.

Biggin is another story. He was gone for almost two weeks. When he came home he was really skinny and just kind of tired. I just thought it was because he was gone so long. Now I am not sure. He throws up everything he eats and he is having seizures!!! We had Mischief who would starve herself and do the same thing. The throwing up and having seizures. I am hoping it will run it's course and he will be okay again. We checked him. And there's no sign of worms, which is good, but still makes what could be wrong with him a mystery.

Trying to get ahead since Derek is putting in sooooooo much overtime now. I know it is financially hard on everyone right now and that makes me sooooooo sad :( I would like to think it's all because we all suck at managing money and we will be able to pull ourselves up out of the holes we are in, but I don't think that's it. I seriously think that with today's economy we are all going to be able to "barely scrape by". And that will be living good for some of us.

I know there's some out there that would like to believe that if I just got off my ass and got a job we would be fine. And that's probably true and would be a fine solution if I could do it :( Physically I can't. I can hardly use my hands without excruciating pain anymore. Scrambling eggs almost puts me in tears. I can't stand or sit for long periods at a time because my kidneys hate me. And migraines are getting more and more frequent.

Mentally I really don't think I can do it either. I have what I thought was a slight case of aghorophobia. Turns out I don't think it's so slight anymore. Just the thought of being out in public alone sends me into a damned panic attack. I don't know why. But it stands to reason, I suppose. I am schitzophrenic. But I hadn't progressed to paranoid yet. Maybe that's what's going on. Which in no way is a good thing, but knowledge is key in learning how to cope. I've already went through the other stages of denial with it. Now I need to just accept it and move on. Maybe a change in medication is needed. Send my voices on yet another experimental acid trip lol

I'm not bitter lol nobody is perfect. I have chosen to accept what is to be and learn to cope with what I can. I do, however, mourn for those who have had to go through this with me. It hasn't been easy at all for them. Mood swings, depression, OCD rampages, and my voices. I know it has had to have taken it's toll. Derek is a godsend. He acceptance me for me and all my not so little quirks. I don't know how he does it, but I am glad he does. Makes life a little more easier to cope with. The kids do their best. They really do. But it has to be hard. I know I am horrible at times and they usually catch the brunt of it. Not their faults that every little thing at times tends to art me off. :( And my friends...for them I don't know why they love me, but I am glad every single day they do. I wouldn't have made it this far in life without them I am sure. They have been there when I knew I needed them and been there when I didn't know I did :) I love them sooooooo much!!!

Location : High St, Noel, MO 64854,

Catching up...

I swear if I spent as much time blogging as I do changing this damn thing, it would be so much more productive. But noooo, my OCD has it's moments and if one little thing doesn't look right, then the whole thing has to be changed. I know crazy right?!?!?

But somethings just can't seem to be helped lol We learn to accept who we are and for what we are. Either that or we drive ourselves absolutely batshit crazy and really take a swan dive of the proverbial high dive. Yeah, since I am terrified of drowning, I am thinking this is not so much of an option for me. Nope, I have to learn to keep a float regardless.

But on a brighter note, that of course comes with it's draw backs. Derek is now getting all the overtime he could possibly want. Which on the plus side, means extra $$$ coming in and maybe being able to get out of this hole and ahead again. But that also means that he is not home much anymore. All because stupid people who shouldn't even be in maintenance can't do their damned jobs!!! The machines keep going down and I guess that means an excesss in downtime and upper management is not happy about it. I don't even understand how these people can keep their jobs. I know it's job security for those that do their jobs right, but damn!!!

But other than that little bitch lol things are actually going pretty good. Waiting for spring to kick in full blast so I can get this carpet replaced. It's pretty nasty, not going to lie. And the kitchen and dining room floors need tile or something in them. It's doable, but when you are on a budget and time schedule it takes alittle time. I will post before and after photos when it gets underway.

More good news, we are hoping. Supposedly Rick now has a job!!! I know right?!?!? Not going to go on my usual rant on that subject right now. We all know exactly what I do and don't think of him, but I am hopeful for the kids. There's so much that they want and need that we alone can't get for them. It would be nice to be able to do it.

Derek busts his ass 60+ hours a week to take care of me and the kids. Never bitches about it and tries to remain positive. I really don't think it is too much to ask that their biological sperm donor actually puts alittle in every so often to help.

Anyways...before I go off on a tirade here, I am going to sign off lol

She loves her daddy :)

Location : Address not available

I really like this quote...

One man with belief can change the world when the majority believe in him. Many believers can make the impossible, possible.~Robert Sobata-Tulip~

Location : High St, Noel, MO 64854,

Can Dogs See Colour?

 Can Dogs See Color? - VetInfo 

Location : High St, Noel, MO 64854,

Facebook Dad Vs Dr. Phil | Break.com

Facebook Dad Vs Dr. Phil | Break.com

Very intense so far...

 Chapter One: Growing Up With Ghosts (Book) 

Location : High St, Noel, MO 64854,

Just saying...

Location : High St, Noel, MO 64854,

Now with that said...

Nothing too much really going on here. I have made a list of things I need to accomplish sometime in the near future. Alot of I need to delete this, update this, work on this, clean this, needs to be done. And of course to top it all off I have a sinus headache from Hades that does not seem to want to go away. :( I hate being sick. And I hate being tired. Especially when the two combine and you can't sleep, ugh!!! Think I will take another heady shot of Nyquil and hope for the best. Maybe not lol I dunno. Just the thought of taking it turns my stomach. Though over the years I have gotten passed the whole exorcist reaction. Okay so...yeah lol I am going to go and do that. Wish me luck!!!

Getting something off my chest...

People my house is not a flophouse for over indulged blitzed teenagaers who cannot get a grasp on their own lives yet!!! Seems in my trying to be the "cool" one, I have opened numerous doors as to which I really think I am going to have to be closing soon. I just can't sit by anymore and watch various teenagers waste their lives. I have 3 teenagers of my own that don't need to be getting it in their own heads that this kind of behaviour is acceptable. I have faith that I have raised them better and that they do know better, but there's still that slight inkling of doubt.

Really I know they are just kids but....GROW UP ALREADY!!!

It's about time lol

 Welcome to The Witchipedia - The Witchipedia 

Location : High St, Noel, MO 64854,

Yep :)

Location : High St, Noel, MO 64854,

♥♡♥♡

 Ghost Hunting Theories: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde 

Okay...let's try this again...

Stands to reason I finally got my blog set up the way I want it and I go to brag how on this day my OCD didn't kick my ass. And suddenly I have people texting and calling with more pressing matters. It wouldn't be such a huge deal if it wasn't for the fact that my cell is also what I tether my Internet off of. Yeah, gets seriously annoying at times, but hey...I'm really not bitching about it. I am just grateful we even have access period. And Derek got him a pretty new desktop that I totally plan on taking advantage of lol :)

But anyhoo, for right now I just wanted to share my small victory.

The Far Side of Oz.: So boredom can be educational.

The Far Side of Oz.: So boredom can be educational.: I was waiting on Hubby to get home from a late run, 3am, nothing good on, found National Geographic. Normally I prefer cooking shows or som...

Finally...

Have gotten the house situated to almost where I want it since they have moved out. Course I have rearranged since this pic was taken but you get the just :( I love this house!!! It's huge and we are finally not piled on top of each other anymore. Which leads to seperation anxieties from the oldest girl whos room is downstairs. Keira still likes her room to hide in, Tazia has gotten to being upstairs with the rest of us. Odd...but okay...

I need a new vacuum. The one we bought at a flea market for $5 about 6 months ago has died. Though it lasted longer and worked better honestly than we were thinking it would. Going to have to keep an eye out for another treasure :)

But for the most part things are going okay. Still don't have a vehicle which sux, but we live close enough to town that I send the kids to the store quite often for me :) they really don't seem to mind the walk. Gets them out of the house for awhile.

****That's about it for now lol

Justify this mess...

This was left in a bedroom downstairs for me to have to clean up. Nice of them wasn't it?!?