Under Quarantine and other things

Well, not feeling so good today :( I was really hoping that the whole flu epidemic we have going on around here would have passed me up, buuuuttt I think it has found me out. The chills, the fever, the stomach and body aches suck so bad :'( And I do believe that Gremmy is got the doggy flu :( He gets up and plays but not for long. Poor guy. But I think he will be okay.

Biggin is another story. He was gone for almost two weeks. When he came home he was really skinny and just kind of tired. I just thought it was because he was gone so long. Now I am not sure. He throws up everything he eats and he is having seizures!!! We had Mischief who would starve herself and do the same thing. The throwing up and having seizures. I am hoping it will run it's course and he will be okay again. We checked him. And there's no sign of worms, which is good, but still makes what could be wrong with him a mystery.

Trying to get ahead since Derek is putting in sooooooo much overtime now. I know it is financially hard on everyone right now and that makes me sooooooo sad :( I would like to think it's all because we all suck at managing money and we will be able to pull ourselves up out of the holes we are in, but I don't think that's it. I seriously think that with today's economy we are all going to be able to "barely scrape by". And that will be living good for some of us.

I know there's some out there that would like to believe that if I just got off my ass and got a job we would be fine. And that's probably true and would be a fine solution if I could do it :( Physically I can't. I can hardly use my hands without excruciating pain anymore. Scrambling eggs almost puts me in tears. I can't stand or sit for long periods at a time because my kidneys hate me. And migraines are getting more and more frequent.

Mentally I really don't think I can do it either. I have what I thought was a slight case of aghorophobia. Turns out I don't think it's so slight anymore. Just the thought of being out in public alone sends me into a damned panic attack. I don't know why. But it stands to reason, I suppose. I am schitzophrenic. But I hadn't progressed to paranoid yet. Maybe that's what's going on. Which in no way is a good thing, but knowledge is key in learning how to cope. I've already went through the other stages of denial with it. Now I need to just accept it and move on. Maybe a change in medication is needed. Send my voices on yet another experimental acid trip lol

I'm not bitter lol nobody is perfect. I have chosen to accept what is to be and learn to cope with what I can. I do, however, mourn for those who have had to go through this with me. It hasn't been easy at all for them. Mood swings, depression, OCD rampages, and my voices. I know it has had to have taken it's toll. Derek is a godsend. He acceptance me for me and all my not so little quirks. I don't know how he does it, but I am glad he does. Makes life a little more easier to cope with. The kids do their best. They really do. But it has to be hard. I know I am horrible at times and they usually catch the brunt of it. Not their faults that every little thing at times tends to art me off. :( And my friends...for them I don't know why they love me, but I am glad every single day they do. I wouldn't have made it this far in life without them I am sure. They have been there when I knew I needed them and been there when I didn't know I did :) I love them sooooooo much!!!

Location : High St, Noel, MO 64854,