Mama

 I carried a child within my body ♥ Slept with them on my chest ♥ I've kissed little toes & wiped away tears ♥ I've been vomited on, peed on & spent sleepless nights cradling my child, but I wouldn't have it any other way ♥ My body isn't magazine perfect, but when I look in the mirror I see a Mama… and there is no greater honor, love or blessing! ♥ Post this if you are a very proud Mama..:) (via Camille Abbate) 

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Life is funny...

Had a wonderful time with the Birthday BBQ. Good food and family always  add up to good times. I love them all so much :) I wish it could have lasted longer but you know...there's that nasty little creature called life that likes to stick its nose in when you least want it. Yeah...work,school,...ect.

And I am totally happy for Jaymz and Cheyanne. Yes, you read right. They were raised as cousins, but technically there is no blood relation there. And they are so happy with each other. It's cute :) We have all agreed that it is time that they both deserve someone in their lives that's not going to treat them like shit. And both are really good kids. I wish them the best and I hope people will just leave them alone and let it run it's course. The parents (well the one's who's opinions count lol ;)) of the 2 have no issues with them being together. No one else should matter right?

Meanstreak...finally!!!

OMG!!! I am so ecstatically happy right now!!! THE OTHER SIDE by Meanstreak... After searching for a demo song for the last 23 years, someone finally posted in on YouTube!!!

Watch "MEANSTREAK - The other side US DEMO 89" on YouTube 

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My schedule...

...to say the least is pretty messed up right now. I mean it works out because I am still up to get the kids up and off to school. I usually lay down about 8am til like 1pm, but today we have to go grocery shopping so the sleeping thing is more than likely going to get pushed out the way. Yeah...we HAVE GOT TO GO SHOPPING TODAY!!! We are out of everything. Literally. And it sux :( Not to mention we still have to get the stuff for the Birthday BBQ Thursday. We are all so excited about it...yay!!!

I just don't get it...

Below I am copying a conversation that Mikia (13) had with her father. Word for word. I have all my SMS from my phone sent to my email. (the blue is Mikia)

sguerra1972@gmail.com
Hey this is Mikia. I have a question.
 ~*{(TaGraAgamDuit)}*~4:27 PM (5 hours ago)

 Reply |Rick Guerra 4176698989@unknown.email via unknown.email to me
show details 4:57 PM (5 hours ago)
What's up tre

 Reply mailto:%7Csguerra1972@gmail.com to Rick
show details 5:00 PM (5 hours ago)
Wat did I get for my bday
~*{(TaGraAgamDuit)}*~

 Reply |Rick Guerra 4176698989@unknown.email via unknown.email to me
show details 5:03 PM (5 hours ago)
I don't know you didn't come over. So I have no idea what you got for your b day.

 Reply mailto:%7Csguerra1972@gmail.com to Rick
show details 5:05 PM (5 hours ago)
From u
~*{(TaGraAgamDuit)}*~

 Reply |Rick Guerra 4176698989@unknown.email via unknown.email to me
show details 5:10 PM (5 hours ago)
What are you talking about?

 Reply mailto:%7Csguerra1972@gmail.com to Rick
show details 5:10 PM (5 hours ago)
Why did keira get stuff and I didnt
~*{(TaGraAgamDuit)}*~

 Reply |Rick Guerra 4176698989@unknown.email via unknown.email to me
show details 5:14 PM (4 hours ago)
You disowned me so I didn't think you'd want anything from me.

 Reply |Rick Guerra 4176698989@unknown.email via unknown.email to me
show details 5:15 PM (4 hours ago)
You told me I wasn't your dad and you didn't want to see me so what am I supposed to do about that.

 Reply |Rick Guerra 4176698989@unknown.email via unknown.email to me
show details 5:17 PM (4 hours ago)
If you would have came over you would of had something also

 Reply mailto:%7Csguerra1972@gmail.com to Rick
show details 5:19 PM (4 hours ago)
Okay this is Stacy. Kia's done!!! Goodbye Rick
~*{(TaGraAgamDuit)}*~

 Reply |Rick Guerra 4176698989@unknown.email via unknown.email to me
show details 5:20 PM (4 hours ago)
What's going on

 Reply |Rick Guerra 4176698989@unknown.email via unknown.email to me
show details 5:43 PM (4 hours ago)
Just so you know its not the 22nd that's what Keira said you was going to throw the party. So just relax

 Reply mailto:%7Csguerra1972@gmail.com to Rick
show details 6:17 PM (3 hours ago)
You weren't invited sorry
~*{(TaGraAgamDuit)}*~

The story behind this conversation is that Keira went to spend the weekend with Rick and came back with Birthday presents and got a cake and ice cream. Mikia didn't even get a real Happy Birthday from him. Other than him telling Keira to tell her for him. Now their birthdays are only 4 days apart. And we have 2 working cell phones in the house. Why couldn't he of text or called him herself? I mean was it really that hard to do?

But the biggest issue I have is how can a parent, father or mother, so easily do that? Oh, you disowned me so okay? Yeah no...I would be all up in the kids' face wanting to know why and what can we do to fix it. Most real parents would. But I guess I shouldn't be all that surprised really. This is the same stunt he pulled with Jaymz too. Just walked away like they were never nothing.

And I was seriously considering asking Rick to let Derek adopt her, but you know...he isn't going to get out of the $14189.11 in back child support that he owes these kids that easy. That's what the general opinion on why he is doing it has become. Or alienating the kids so he doesn't feel guilty for not paying. Yeah...

No rest for the wicked...grrr!!!

And as you can see the cause of my sleeplessness is having absolutely noooo problem catching some zzzzz's on my account. I have created a monster. None of my kids were hold me babies. No they were pretty content to go and do their own little thing most times, so instead....I have a hold me puppy...Grem. Especially when it is his nap time or ni-night time. Which actually usually isn't that big of a deal except for tonight...ugh!!! He got a wild hair up his ass or something at about 4 am and stood at the "gate" (it's actually a shelf turned on its side, but hey! It works) barking and whining for me. We have it blocked to keep him and the ferret out of the back rooms. and he in no uncertain terms was not happy with it tonight. Like I said it usually doesn't bother him. So I had to get up out of my nice comfy bed and spank him with a rolled up paper to get him to stop. By this time, I am of course wide awake. Never seems to fail. Hoping to be able to get some sleep later on today. That would be nice.

Organizing and saving much needed right now...

Well, I have decided instead of my going out and keep buying all these planners and the like that I would look online. I have spent the better part of the evening doing this . But there was so many options and I got to print out what I would need. Now I just need a hole punch to actually put them in a folder. I have everything from a basic calendar to a chore list for each of the kids. Yes, this is one of the areas where my OCD rules. Lists,lists,and more lists I swear. And even though I know this is just feeding my mental need I persist.

And I have also decided to really start using the coupons we get in the mail instead of just throwing them away. Every little bit helps and $.20 here and $.50 there will eventually add up. Yep.

And my Tina had a wonderful idea for shampoo/conditioner and body wash on her blog that I am definately going to try.

Times are hard and we need to start taking better care of our money.

I am a mother...

I find myself quite often caught in a state of awe that I never could have imagined. I watch my children growing up and wonder when did that happen? I can remember back to when each and everyone of them was still in newborn diapers and it just doesn't seem like so long ago. It saddens me. Because I know with the teaching and coaching that we have given them that soon the need for mom 24/7 will no longer be. I am proud but at the same time horrified that the time is coming so quick. Most parents I know are counting down to when their kids finally leave home. Me? Not so much. It's almost like the feeling of an anxiety attack coming on when I think of it. Funny, I know, but it's true none the less. I am a mother. Thru and thru. What will I do when they are grown? When mom is just a weekend visit for the family?

I love where we live. Granted it's not out in the country and we do have neighbours, but you would never know it by how quiet it stays outside around here at night :)

Bow to me...

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Teagan and uncle Derek

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Summer fun...

Loving the cool night. Got the BBQ going and a game of MONKEY IN THE MIDDLE. Thomas and Teagan are here too :) sooo nice having them close again.

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Maybe I should care, but...

Truth be it told I don't. I could really careless that my POS rat bastard of an ex is having financial difficulty right now. And that he "can"t" find employment. Uh yeah...whatever. What gets me is he really believes that none of this is his fault. Well...let's see...if he hadn't of screwed around and got fired from the job he had for the last 15 years for numerous safety violations then he would still be employed,right? Right. And that is the truth. It is his fault. HE KNEW BETTER than to do the things he did.  But you know...sometimes the need to be selfish outweighs the need for common sense.

The reason I said that is because...he had it in his head that because he had let me and his girlfriend stay home for however long, we owe him. We owed him for wanting to stay home and take care of HIS kids. Forgive me, but maybe I am old schooled in this area. I firmly believe that if the man is capable of working a fulltime job then there is absolutely no reason a woman should have to go to work. Unless of course that full time job just isn't cutting the bills and the like. There are exceptions to the rule. But he doesn't have the right to think we owe him. And yes, this came from his own mouth.

Then he is on this kick that all's I want is $$$ whenever I ask him to help with the kids financially. Now you jhave to understand. I never ask him for help with ANYTHING unless it pertains to the kids. I learned that lesson years ago. But now he thinks it's me and by saying "no" to me he's screwing with me. No...he is totally screwing his kids. Me personally could careless if he helps or not. Honestly. The kids are old enough now,that they are slowly coming around to seeing him for what he really is. But Derek...

Takes care of these kids. Feeds, clothes, and houses them. Kisses boo-boo's and wipes away tears. And has never once asked for any kind of financial help from the ex or otherwise. He does it because he wants to. He enjoys being able to see us happy. And he also pays his own child support every week. Never once questioning what his ex did with it. I think that if nothing else shouldn't my ex want to help the man who is taking primary care of his children. On a day to day basis. And now that they are all getting older there are other needs that have to be met. Maybe it's just me...I dunno.

I do know that I couldn't keep quiet like Derek has. And haven't. Needless to say I have my ex so pissed off that he won't even talk to me. GOOD!!! Less drama for me that way...