Homeschool...Unschool...

My new blog page about just that. I have pulled Mikia out of public school, for what I believe will be a better educational experience for her here at home. The reason we made the decision to do this is because of the severely strict attendance policy here. And the fact that winter is coming on and she tends to get sick ALOT during the season. Also, I have seen some of the ways and attitudes the school had towards learning and I am not impressed. Derek and I have taken to teaching her and letting her learn thru life experience. And so far, it is working out great. She really looks forward to the time we spend together talking and doing "assignments".

We haven't pulled the others out just yet. I am leaving the decision to be here up to the older to. So, far they both want to stay in public school. Tyler is still struggling with his speech and I want to make sure he gets the best help possible for it. And right now that's also public school. Plus, he doesn't want to stay home either. He likes his school and the friends he has made. :)

Being Bored and Me...

I hate it actually. Especially when the only thing I can find to occupy myself with is cleaning. Yeah, I really don't like that, but it has to be done. Kinda getting tired of staring at this mess. So I have got the back part of the trailer done. My room, bathroom, and hallway. Still have Mikia's room to tackle but I figure that can wait til this weekend. It's really not to bad. No, the cyclone hit the other end of the house which consists of Tazia's and Keira's rooms. Yeah. I am so not touching them. I am in the process of cleaning the kitchen. Mainly left is the wiping of counters and sweeping. Haven't quite made up my mind whether or not I am going to mop tonight :( The idea is just really not all that appealing to me at the moment.  Oh!!! And I need to pooper scoop out the litter box. That just makes it all soooo much better...NOT!!! But if I don't do it soon, the kittens will become offended and decide to relieve themselves on my floor NEXT to the said litter box.

Cleaning though I have come to the discovery that we have so many random cords, plugs, chargers, and the sort and I have absolutely no idea to what they go. They just seem to be plugged in or poking out somewhere. So, I am taking them all and stuffing them into the top drawer of my filing cabinet. I don't want to get rid of them cause sure as I do, someone is going to need a specific one. I know my charger and Derek's phone chargers. And Keira's cause it's grey. Other than that, no clue.

But on the bright side of all this. We get our gorgeous grandson (acquired lol) for the weekend. I am so happy about that. I have his playpen and everything set up. I was thinking we would probably just tuck him in bed with us (he's only 6 months old), but it has been so long since either Derek or I have slept with a baby in the bed, that neither of us would most likely get any sleep at all lol So, I got him set up at the foot of out bed. Yep. Thus ought to be interesting. Been awhile since I have had that little of one for any real length of time.

Other than that nothing to major has been going on. Hence, why I am bored lol Guess I should get up and at least finish the kitchen huh? Yeah...

Random thoughts (there's no telling where this might end up)

*I LOVE MY CHILDREN*

 And I know that the way I raise them is not in particular to the way others would. I am way too lenient and I let them get away with far more than some think I should. I have really never enforced the chore rule. I figure if I am home all day, with really nothing that pressing to do, then the chores pretty much fall on me. They are at school for 8 hours a day. That IS their job as far as I am concerned. It may or may not be physically straining, but sometimes then mental aspects will drain you all the more.

I don't and will not put a leash on my kids. Yes, I allow them to run after school. We live in a trailer park 2 city blocks squared. Not much room to run. And EVERYONE knows my kids. So I really don't worry too much about them getting hurt. You can drive thru here at anytime kids are out and see the neighbours poking their heads out checking on the kids playing. Even if they aren't necessarily theirs. Very nice to have that security.

I cannot see the benefit of keeping kids locked up 24/7. They need to be able to get out and to socialize. Make friends. And if they screw up then so be it. You teach them very early on there are consequences to their actions. They know this. So whatever they do it falls on them. They will be little adults soon as is. The world is not all roses and rainbows. And you cannot shelter your kids forever. If that's my throwing them to the proverbial wolves, so be it. I would rather them be somewhat prepared, then totally blindsided when the day comes they have to face life on their own.

*RICK*

I CANNOT feel sorry for what Rick is going thru at the moment. I believe in Karma and that she is a total bitch. I think that what Janie is doing is justified and right. And maybe he will get his head out of his ass and start taking care of his kids. I seriously doubt it but you know, it's a thought. I just think it's hilarious that all this time I have been the bitch and she just didn't have it in her to be. WOW!!! Isn't this an eye opener?lmao!!! I am sorry but if he would have just sucked it up and taken on the responsibilities that were his, then things may have turned out different for him.

*FINANCES*

I hate being broke. And I do feel somewhat responsible. I should have a job. I should be working,but...I know there's always a 'but' in there. It just doesn't make sense to me to do so. I mean pretty much we have everything that we need. And if we were better at managing $$$ we wouldn't be broke,but that's life. I cannot see the benefit to my working. We would have more bills going out in the long run than with me home. The extra gas, child care, food, etc... Not to mention, this is a very important few years in our kids lives. They are going to be going thru and having to deal with somethings now, that they shouldn't have to deal with on their own. And for the most part I think they want me here too. They would never admit it though lol 

Momma's lil monkey

Aaron's first Halloween :)

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My just because flowers :)

Derek went for a walk and came back with these beautiful flowers for me. Awww...I loves him!!!

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Mama

 I carried a child within my body ♥ Slept with them on my chest ♥ I've kissed little toes & wiped away tears ♥ I've been vomited on, peed on & spent sleepless nights cradling my child, but I wouldn't have it any other way ♥ My body isn't magazine perfect, but when I look in the mirror I see a Mama… and there is no greater honor, love or blessing! ♥ Post this if you are a very proud Mama..:) (via Camille Abbate) 

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Life is funny...

Had a wonderful time with the Birthday BBQ. Good food and family always  add up to good times. I love them all so much :) I wish it could have lasted longer but you know...there's that nasty little creature called life that likes to stick its nose in when you least want it. Yeah...work,school,...ect.

And I am totally happy for Jaymz and Cheyanne. Yes, you read right. They were raised as cousins, but technically there is no blood relation there. And they are so happy with each other. It's cute :) We have all agreed that it is time that they both deserve someone in their lives that's not going to treat them like shit. And both are really good kids. I wish them the best and I hope people will just leave them alone and let it run it's course. The parents (well the one's who's opinions count lol ;)) of the 2 have no issues with them being together. No one else should matter right?

Meanstreak...finally!!!

OMG!!! I am so ecstatically happy right now!!! THE OTHER SIDE by Meanstreak... After searching for a demo song for the last 23 years, someone finally posted in on YouTube!!!

Watch "MEANSTREAK - The other side US DEMO 89" on YouTube 

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My schedule...

...to say the least is pretty messed up right now. I mean it works out because I am still up to get the kids up and off to school. I usually lay down about 8am til like 1pm, but today we have to go grocery shopping so the sleeping thing is more than likely going to get pushed out the way. Yeah...we HAVE GOT TO GO SHOPPING TODAY!!! We are out of everything. Literally. And it sux :( Not to mention we still have to get the stuff for the Birthday BBQ Thursday. We are all so excited about it...yay!!!

I just don't get it...

Below I am copying a conversation that Mikia (13) had with her father. Word for word. I have all my SMS from my phone sent to my email. (the blue is Mikia)

sguerra1972@gmail.com
Hey this is Mikia. I have a question.
 ~*{(TaGraAgamDuit)}*~4:27 PM (5 hours ago)

 Reply |Rick Guerra 4176698989@unknown.email via unknown.email to me
show details 4:57 PM (5 hours ago)
What's up tre

 Reply mailto:%7Csguerra1972@gmail.com to Rick
show details 5:00 PM (5 hours ago)
Wat did I get for my bday
~*{(TaGraAgamDuit)}*~

 Reply |Rick Guerra 4176698989@unknown.email via unknown.email to me
show details 5:03 PM (5 hours ago)
I don't know you didn't come over. So I have no idea what you got for your b day.

 Reply mailto:%7Csguerra1972@gmail.com to Rick
show details 5:05 PM (5 hours ago)
From u
~*{(TaGraAgamDuit)}*~

 Reply |Rick Guerra 4176698989@unknown.email via unknown.email to me
show details 5:10 PM (5 hours ago)
What are you talking about?

 Reply mailto:%7Csguerra1972@gmail.com to Rick
show details 5:10 PM (5 hours ago)
Why did keira get stuff and I didnt
~*{(TaGraAgamDuit)}*~

 Reply |Rick Guerra 4176698989@unknown.email via unknown.email to me
show details 5:14 PM (4 hours ago)
You disowned me so I didn't think you'd want anything from me.

 Reply |Rick Guerra 4176698989@unknown.email via unknown.email to me
show details 5:15 PM (4 hours ago)
You told me I wasn't your dad and you didn't want to see me so what am I supposed to do about that.

 Reply |Rick Guerra 4176698989@unknown.email via unknown.email to me
show details 5:17 PM (4 hours ago)
If you would have came over you would of had something also

 Reply mailto:%7Csguerra1972@gmail.com to Rick
show details 5:19 PM (4 hours ago)
Okay this is Stacy. Kia's done!!! Goodbye Rick
~*{(TaGraAgamDuit)}*~

 Reply |Rick Guerra 4176698989@unknown.email via unknown.email to me
show details 5:20 PM (4 hours ago)
What's going on

 Reply |Rick Guerra 4176698989@unknown.email via unknown.email to me
show details 5:43 PM (4 hours ago)
Just so you know its not the 22nd that's what Keira said you was going to throw the party. So just relax

 Reply mailto:%7Csguerra1972@gmail.com to Rick
show details 6:17 PM (3 hours ago)
You weren't invited sorry
~*{(TaGraAgamDuit)}*~

The story behind this conversation is that Keira went to spend the weekend with Rick and came back with Birthday presents and got a cake and ice cream. Mikia didn't even get a real Happy Birthday from him. Other than him telling Keira to tell her for him. Now their birthdays are only 4 days apart. And we have 2 working cell phones in the house. Why couldn't he of text or called him herself? I mean was it really that hard to do?

But the biggest issue I have is how can a parent, father or mother, so easily do that? Oh, you disowned me so okay? Yeah no...I would be all up in the kids' face wanting to know why and what can we do to fix it. Most real parents would. But I guess I shouldn't be all that surprised really. This is the same stunt he pulled with Jaymz too. Just walked away like they were never nothing.

And I was seriously considering asking Rick to let Derek adopt her, but you know...he isn't going to get out of the $14189.11 in back child support that he owes these kids that easy. That's what the general opinion on why he is doing it has become. Or alienating the kids so he doesn't feel guilty for not paying. Yeah...

No rest for the wicked...grrr!!!

And as you can see the cause of my sleeplessness is having absolutely noooo problem catching some zzzzz's on my account. I have created a monster. None of my kids were hold me babies. No they were pretty content to go and do their own little thing most times, so instead....I have a hold me puppy...Grem. Especially when it is his nap time or ni-night time. Which actually usually isn't that big of a deal except for tonight...ugh!!! He got a wild hair up his ass or something at about 4 am and stood at the "gate" (it's actually a shelf turned on its side, but hey! It works) barking and whining for me. We have it blocked to keep him and the ferret out of the back rooms. and he in no uncertain terms was not happy with it tonight. Like I said it usually doesn't bother him. So I had to get up out of my nice comfy bed and spank him with a rolled up paper to get him to stop. By this time, I am of course wide awake. Never seems to fail. Hoping to be able to get some sleep later on today. That would be nice.

Organizing and saving much needed right now...

Well, I have decided instead of my going out and keep buying all these planners and the like that I would look online. I have spent the better part of the evening doing this . But there was so many options and I got to print out what I would need. Now I just need a hole punch to actually put them in a folder. I have everything from a basic calendar to a chore list for each of the kids. Yes, this is one of the areas where my OCD rules. Lists,lists,and more lists I swear. And even though I know this is just feeding my mental need I persist.

And I have also decided to really start using the coupons we get in the mail instead of just throwing them away. Every little bit helps and $.20 here and $.50 there will eventually add up. Yep.

And my Tina had a wonderful idea for shampoo/conditioner and body wash on her blog that I am definately going to try.

Times are hard and we need to start taking better care of our money.

I am a mother...

I find myself quite often caught in a state of awe that I never could have imagined. I watch my children growing up and wonder when did that happen? I can remember back to when each and everyone of them was still in newborn diapers and it just doesn't seem like so long ago. It saddens me. Because I know with the teaching and coaching that we have given them that soon the need for mom 24/7 will no longer be. I am proud but at the same time horrified that the time is coming so quick. Most parents I know are counting down to when their kids finally leave home. Me? Not so much. It's almost like the feeling of an anxiety attack coming on when I think of it. Funny, I know, but it's true none the less. I am a mother. Thru and thru. What will I do when they are grown? When mom is just a weekend visit for the family?

I love where we live. Granted it's not out in the country and we do have neighbours, but you would never know it by how quiet it stays outside around here at night :)

Bow to me...

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Teagan and uncle Derek

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Summer fun...

Loving the cool night. Got the BBQ going and a game of MONKEY IN THE MIDDLE. Thomas and Teagan are here too :) sooo nice having them close again.

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Maybe I should care, but...

Truth be it told I don't. I could really careless that my POS rat bastard of an ex is having financial difficulty right now. And that he "can"t" find employment. Uh yeah...whatever. What gets me is he really believes that none of this is his fault. Well...let's see...if he hadn't of screwed around and got fired from the job he had for the last 15 years for numerous safety violations then he would still be employed,right? Right. And that is the truth. It is his fault. HE KNEW BETTER than to do the things he did.  But you know...sometimes the need to be selfish outweighs the need for common sense.

The reason I said that is because...he had it in his head that because he had let me and his girlfriend stay home for however long, we owe him. We owed him for wanting to stay home and take care of HIS kids. Forgive me, but maybe I am old schooled in this area. I firmly believe that if the man is capable of working a fulltime job then there is absolutely no reason a woman should have to go to work. Unless of course that full time job just isn't cutting the bills and the like. There are exceptions to the rule. But he doesn't have the right to think we owe him. And yes, this came from his own mouth.

Then he is on this kick that all's I want is $$$ whenever I ask him to help with the kids financially. Now you jhave to understand. I never ask him for help with ANYTHING unless it pertains to the kids. I learned that lesson years ago. But now he thinks it's me and by saying "no" to me he's screwing with me. No...he is totally screwing his kids. Me personally could careless if he helps or not. Honestly. The kids are old enough now,that they are slowly coming around to seeing him for what he really is. But Derek...

Takes care of these kids. Feeds, clothes, and houses them. Kisses boo-boo's and wipes away tears. And has never once asked for any kind of financial help from the ex or otherwise. He does it because he wants to. He enjoys being able to see us happy. And he also pays his own child support every week. Never once questioning what his ex did with it. I think that if nothing else shouldn't my ex want to help the man who is taking primary care of his children. On a day to day basis. And now that they are all getting older there are other needs that have to be met. Maybe it's just me...I dunno.

I do know that I couldn't keep quiet like Derek has. And haven't. Needless to say I have my ex so pissed off that he won't even talk to me. GOOD!!! Less drama for me that way...

Quick thought...



Well, I did actually have this all figured out. I was going to go ahead and stay up until Derek went to work, but I don't think I am going to make it that far. Everyone's in bed and asleep and it is just too quiet. I know, I know...I should be embracing it but instead it is just making me want to sleep. On the upside though. At the rate I am going with the laundry, Mikia should be able to be moved into her room later on tonight. Though she isn't as excited about it as I am about having her out of the livingroom. She is an odd little creature at times.

Yay!!!

Oh yeah...oh yeah...getting my new washer and dryer today...woot woot!!! ( who would have thought the idea of doing laundry could be so exciting?!? ) :) lol

Also, finally got the damn tether I need for my phone. I can now hook up to the computer and go o line that way. :)

Been a great last couple days.

Ugh!!!

We'll, I tried to use the laptop to access Google+ and nothing. Not because of Google+, but because I have for crap internet connection. I even tried taking the laptop out on the front porch and nothing :( Need to seriously get DSL for the house. Yep, getting to the point of a necessity. Have gone way too long without real service as is...ugh!!!

Sad...sad...sad

Okay,it's official...my pancreas hates me :( Grease and spicy foods were the start of it, but now coffee is giving me issues. Coffee...of all things ugh!!! One of my guilty pleasure...figures :(

Something's NOT right...

I don't know how to explain it other than just a feeling, BUT there is definitely something bad coming. We are used to spirits, occasionally a poltergeist, and even guardians, but something...and I just don't know what it is yet. So, I have made a protection powder to be spread around the house later tonight. Yeah, it's not good. Need to be working on other protection for the house and family. Better safe than sorry.

Today...

Okay,so my plans for today are: finish coffee (lol working on it), clean house (done), start on outline for new story that has been keeping me up at night. I don't know what makes this idea so special, but it just feels like it is in need of being written. And I am the lucky one it has chosen to attempt this feat.

But I know there is absolutely no point in me even trying to do this as long as my children are conscious lol They don't get my need for peace and quiet at that time.

Aqua Pets Rock

Lol

Our Altar

We love it!!! Been wanting to put one up for awhile now,but it just never felt like the right time. Now it is :) The freedom is magnificent to say the least. It's awe inspiring.

Grow Up Already Damn!!!

My life to some maybe boring and mundane. Lack of excitement,etc.. If this is exciting to some people, I would rather be a bore.Let me tell you. I have never been accused of causing so much drama as since when my ex-husband moved back to town. Or actually I should say since he started "dating" my sister. Things were good up to that point. No I am NOT in any way, shape, or form jealous of this recent joining. In fact, more power to them. Keeps them away from me, but I dunno. It's creepy to say the least. And sickening. Yeah, that's a better word for it. They have been together for LESS than a month and a half and already they are pledging their love to each other AND planning on moving my sister into his place. I would be all like, awwwww!!!, if I didn't know first hand that they are both just looking for a warm body to fill the empty void. Neither wants to be alone. Okay, I get that, biut really be realistic and stop thinking that everyone else doesn't know this also.

Anyways, I guess they are not used to having someone speak their minds to them. Which I find hilarious. My sister is a controlling witch and he is a ball-less wonder. Neither of which has the cojones to actually speak to me in person. Rather do it through a text. Oh wait, my sister did show up here and as soon as she realized I wasn't really giving a shit as to what she had to say and no matter what they were both in the wrong about the whole incident, she jumped in her car. Making a snide remark about me needing to be back on my meds. Wow!!! If that isn't the pot calling the kettle black!!! That chic takes more meds than I do, and still can't function right most of the time. She's always freaking out about something. Can't even run a fireworks stand for 2 weeks without damn near going into a mental melt down. And him? Yeah, worthless as far as I am concerned. He's still a big ass fucking whiny ass bitch that needs to grow up. Really. Think I am being mean about it? No, I am not. It's sad because he hasn't changed at all. Gotten older that's about it. BAH!!! They BOTH need to grow up ALOT!!!

Had to be done...

It has been driving me crazy that I have not been blogging. I know...wierdo lol But as a form of release it's wonderful. So now I set this up on my phone. Watchout world...lol

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This weather is so not helping...

The whole tired issue. It's nice and cloudy and cool. I took some sleep aide aand it is it seems still in effect. Or at least wanting to be. Think I may take advantage of the fact I can't seem to keep my eyes open and lay back down for awhile. Especially since come to find out Derek is wanting me to go with him to go pick up this car he is driving. Wow!!! I don't think legally I am even suppose to be behind the wheel :( but ok, whatever I suppose.

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My OCD for the time being has been appeased

Well, not completely but for the most part lol. I have added links to my other blogs because I just didn't much care how the tabs thing was working out. I couldn't break them down like I wanted to. MUST STAY ORGANIZED. For my own sanity anyways. There is so much chaos around me that I need some sort to controlled place that is truly just mine. Make sense? Probably not, but welcome to my world of OCD. Sux ass, but that's me.

Wiccan Rede

DoNot let the cuteness fool you...

Bear Bear has decided that when the kids are at school that she needs to be in the bedroom with us while we try to sleep :( This wouldn't be so bad if she laid down and actually went to sleep. But no...seems her and Tavi (our ferret) are the best of buds now, so they are constantly jumping and running on and off the bed. Or Tavi likes to hide under the bed and Bear whines for him. For some reason she won't go completely under the bed, even though she would fit with room to spare. Guess that's the price I get to pay for spoiling the little dust mop :)

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My good deed for the day...

Lol...is I stayed up and let Derek sleep in for a change. Usually he gets up with the kiddos, but there wasn't no point in it today. Now watch, as soon as I devide to finally go to bed he's going to decide to get up :( yeah probably.

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...Waiting...

I cannot wait for summer. I am so ready to go and spend some peaceful quality time with Derek and the kids on the river. This year we will have all the kids hopefully to go with us. Got the tents,just need the bodies lol

...Just A Thought...

I think I have pretty much decided that I am going to have to scrap my original idea for a story.
 Seems to be a complicated concept that more people than not were just unable to grasp. No need to worry though :) I already have another idea forming...